The Zen Master

True Stories From Taco Land

by el Bart c/s

Place: Tacoland
When: Late March Early April, 2005
Who's Playing: Los #3 Dinners
Ram Factor: Not In The House of Ram


This happened a few months ago, March or April, 2005. I didn't witness the incident, but my buddy Frank told me about it. We, los #3 Dinners, were playing Tacoland, having a good time playing for Ram and his friends. This one chick was too drunk (not a problem with Ram), but out of control and acting like, well, a pussy (a big problem with Ram). She received a few warnings about her behavior, yet she persisted to fuck up.

Let me digress for a moment. Ram had a sixth sense about drunks. He knew when they were 30 seconds from exploding into a difficult to control monster. He was skilled at intervening at the exact moment when the drunk had reached that delicate balance between being a happy Tacoland drunk and an out of control pussy. The point where the drunk was most vulnerable and could be thrown out on their ass with minimal effort, just before a critical mass of drunkeness was reached and the situation would become expotentially more difficult to control. It was a Zen Master-like ability to know when just one utterance of "GET THE FUCK OUT OUTA HERE!" would communicate directly with the drunk's last functioning brain cell and defuse the situation. If you ever saw it in action, you were awestruck . . . that's if you weren't too drunk to notice.

Anyway, this drunk chick had hit that point and she was being evicted from the House of Ram. She pleaded for mercy. "Ram, I love you! Don't throw me out! I'll give you a blow job, ANYTHING, if I can stay."

Ram's perfect response was, "I'd rather have a blow job from your boyfriend. Now, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!